The Edge
by dreamgoddess'92
Summary: There was no getting around it: No exceptions to the current situation. James T. Kirk was dying of that much he was sure." Jim lays dying on a desert planet and is faced with the possibility of never getting to tell Spock how he really feels.


Wow I haven't posted a story on here in AGES! I could sit here and blame school and the hectic going-ons of my daily life, but that's just lazy. It's not like I haven't been able to write or anything. I've actually been writing fics of a different nature... *chuckle* I even got a LiveJournal to post them on because they're not 'normal' fics. I still have a Criminal Minds series of stories I have to finish! *groan* I might get around to that this weekend even though I promised to have it up like... 3 months ago? I'm not sure, but it is what it is.

So I'm a heavy Spock/Kirk shipper now: I blame my friends. I really hope you'll enjoy this one since it's an idea I've been playing with for a few days.  
I do not own Star Trek no matter how badly I wish I did.

Enjoy.

* * *

So, this was what dying was like.

There was no getting around it: No exceptions to the current situation. James T. Kirk was dying of that much he was sure. He was stuck, barely hanging onto that preverbal thread that kept him connected to the waking world.

Jim Kirk managed a twisted smile as he heard the faint cries of his faithful crew miles above him. In retrospect perhaps listening to Spock would've been a good idea. His First Officer had asked him, in what Jim suddenly realized had been a pleading voice, to refrain from standing so close to the cliff's edge. Jim had been too enthralled by the exotic scenery to listen, or think properly. If he had managed to keep his wits about him, Jim would've recalled Spock's understandable… dislike of cliff ledges.

Jim vowed to apologize to his friend for his lack of common sense if he made it out of this one alive.

Jim's body felt laced with lead, which he considered was a better feeling than the extreme pain he knew could hit him at any moment. With heavy eyelids, Jim felt as if he was fighting against a strong undertow, fighting to stay conscious. The bright desert sun dulled and the concerned voices trailed off into a silence that rang in Jim's ears. He could feel the blood flow from his body to coat the dusty ground he was sprawled upon that was covered with strategically placed rocks.

An invisible force compressed his chest to the point breathing was nearly impossible. His thoughts, a colorful haze, played like a hologram of memories and countless vague thoughts. Jim was not surprised that Spock was the star of his final film. It seemed easier to accept the growing feelings Jim harbored for Spock in death where he could not suffer the agony of rejection.

A violent cough erupted from Jim's blistered mouth and tore as his battered lungs. He tasted the familiar tang of blood on his dry tongue and grimaced.

Funny how the ultimate no-win scenario, which Jim vehemently denied believing in, seemed to transform him into a different man. He felt time slow down as he gathered his final thoughts into a manageable form. He hadn't given up yet: No, James Tiberius Kirk was not one to lay down and die. He was needed, depended upon by his crew: By his family. He would not abandon them, not like this.

Jim felt a tug in the back of his mind and he began to slip effortlessly into darkness despite his violent struggle. "_No_!" he thought desperately, clinging to that small thread that kept his mind from the dark abyss of death. He wasn't ready to die… he had so much to do: So many people to care for.

Jim saw flashes of Uhura's smiling face when he flirted shamelessly with her on the bridge. He recalled how much fun he had sparring with Sulu and he faintly heard Chekov's excited voice as they traded favorite Russian novels in the back of his mind. Who would give Bones headaches that he cured with his medical whiskey while he cursed at Jim fondly? Scotty always had a challenge for Jim as they explored Engineering together, something Jim was extremely grateful for. His whole crew was dedicated to him and always made his days on the Enterprise a joy.

Jim felt the cool tears fall from his tired eyes as he realized he'd never again do those things he loved with his crew. He felt as if his soul was crying out in gut-wrenching agony: Searching irrationally for the half-Vulcan who possessed his last waking thoughts. Spock… oh Spock.

Jim's heart strained to pump his blood, which was wasted on the unfeeling ground, through his thinning veins. A sudden weightlessness crept into Jim's body as his lungs began to contract in their last efforts for air. Jim was being pulled away from consciousness by invisible hands. His heart began to slow, beating feebly in his broken chest, when Jim realized he was going to die alone: Just as he had always known deep down.

Jim took a staggering deep breath in his failing lungs, his willpower fading with his life, and allowed himself one last tender thought of Spock: Wanting him to be the last thing he remembered in life.

Soon Jim was floating in a sea of darkness, peaceful yet unnerving at the same time. He hated this hellish limbo where he was forced to endure the pain of surrender. He was lost in an abyss of numbness and Jim wanted it to end. If he couldn't live, couldn't breathe, couldn't bask in the warmth of Spock's gentle gaze, Jim did not want to exist. To feel nothing was worse than the death Jim wished would hurry.

A faint humming filled the silent abyss as a jolt rippled across the dark sea and a blinding figure flooded the dark space Jim was suffocating in. Jim watched amazed as Spock's lithe figure materialized before him as if he were an angel. If Spock was here to lead him to death, Jim would go. He'd follow Spock anywhere.

Spock outstretched his arm, "Jim come back. Come back to me." Spock's normally clinical voice was a breathtaking melody tinged with desperation and fear.

Jim could hear Bones's frantic shouts in the far background as the darkness began to lighten. The familiar heaviness settled back into his weary bones. "Jim… please." Spock said, an unfamiliar hitch in his smooth voice breaking Jim from the invisible hands of death. Jim met Spock's human eyes and a surge of strength shot through his soul breaking him from his reverie and prompting him to reach out to Spock. As they grabbed hands quickly, fire engulfed Jim and he cried out in pain, jerking up.

His eyes flew open and took in the pale faces of Bones and Spock who removed his hand from Jim's aching face. "Jim don't move!" Bones demanded letting the overwhelming relief he felt shine though his gruff southern voice. Jim took in gasps of the hot desert air as if he was a fish out of water and Spock made sure to steady Jim's shaking frame.

"Hold him Spock. I think his lung is punctured. Possible broken bones, concussion…" Bones continued to list the various injuries he could see on the surface. Jim tried to calm himself but the pain shooting through his whole body made him want to cry out. Jim moved his hand up and laid it on one of Spock's that restrained him. He was alive, he was alive and Spock was there. Jim was so relieved he felt the familiar sting of tears, but he refused to let them fall.

"I have you Jim." Spock assured him with a steadier voice than the one Jim had heard in his head not moments ago. It seemed Spock was trying to control his emotions even more than Jim was. No surprise there.

Jim managed a shaky smile for his friend as he tried to convey without words the rush of joy and love he felt coursing though his entire being with painful ecstasy. Spock turned his hand over to grasp Jim's tightly, letting a spark pass between them with an understanding look. Jim felt surrounded by Spock's very essence and he couldn't recall ever feeling such a rush before.

Jim hissed in pain as he felt a sharp jab in his neck.

"That was for the pain Jim. Don't worry if you black out again, we're getting you on board the Enterprise as fast as we call so I can operate." Bones assured his friend and Jim nodded feeling the familiar numbness he knew so well. Jim looked up and met Spock's dark eyes before slipping into a known darkness that Jim took comfort in.

- - - - -- - - - -

The familiar sterile smell of the med lab perforated the dark haze Jim floated in.

He opened his eyes slowly, not wanting the lights to overpower him so quickly as they had in the past. The sick feeling of déjà vu made Jim frown but that was quickly replaced with a tender smile when he saw Spock's form meditating on the floor not far from his bed.

"How are you feeling Captain?" Spock asked, not turning to see that Jim was indeed awake. Jim chuckled hoarsely before he erupted into a painful coughing fit. Spock was on his feet with a glass of water in less than a second. Jim drank it down greedily despite Spock's protests for Jim to pace himself. His mouth tasted like sand and blood.

Once finished, Spock pulled a chair next to Jim's bed and waited for Jim to question him as he always did. Jim asked Spock how the ship was and like the dutiful First Officer that he was, Spock filled Jim in on every event that had transpired on the Enterprise. Jim couldn't help but notice the tired air that hung around Spock, but he didn't say anything until Spock had finished his report.

"How are you Spock?" Jim asked and saw a brief flash of confusion mixed with anger in Spock's dark eyes.

"I was not the one to fall of a cliff Captain. I am unharmed and thus in acceptable condition unlike yourself." Spock replied and Jim couldn't help but laugh at him: Glad to hear Spock's logical words in his clinical tones.

"Funny, you look tired and pissed to me. What could I have possibly done in the five minutes I've been awake to make you mad at me?" Jim asked, his playful tone returning to his voice. If Vulcans rolled their eyes, Jim knew Spock would have just then.

"You've only been conscious for 4.6 minutes Captain and your unnecessary question about my well being is hardly reason for me to be angry with you. However, your actions precisely 4.23 days ago have caused me some distress. I had told you to step away from the edge of the cliff and yet you refused to do so. I must inquire as to why you did not head my words Captain." Spock said quickly in clipped tones. Jim caught on to the slight undertone of hysteria in Spock's voice and instantly felt bad.

"Spock I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking straight. If I had been I would've stepped away like you had asked me to. I never wanted you to go though something like that again. I'm really sorry Spock." Jim said softly, reaching out to take Spock's closest hand in his.

Spock froze up but after a few moments of feeling Jim's thumb trace the top of his hand soothingly, he began to relax. Jim focused on the pleasant warmth he felt radiating from Spock's hand and was content to simply breathe in the cool air he had feared he'd never do again. He had almost lost this: Almost lost Spock. Jim felt a sting of panic rise in his chest as he recalled the dark abyss that cling to him like a second skin.

Spock felt the growing panic in Jim and squeezed his hand. "You are safe, there is no need to feel otherwise Jim." Spock said reassuringly and calmly. Jim nodded gratefully at Spock before opening his mouth to speak.

"You melded with me…" Jim said in what Spock recognized was awe instead of the anger he had expected for committing such a personal act without permission. However, he could not rationally believe that melding with Jim had been a mistake since he had managed to pull him away from death.

"Indeed, it had seemed only logical at the time in order to save your life." Spock replied feeling a emotion he had felt often when their skin would brush bubbling in the back of Jim's mind. Curious, Spock met Jim's blue eyes and saw a brightness he had only glimpsed a few times burning brightly in their depths.

"Only logical huh? You're telling me the only reason you saved me was because it was logical?" Jim asked, searching for the answer he had been waiting for since he met the half-Vulcan. Spock was confused by the question, but felt the hope undulating in Jim as he waited on pins and needles for Spock's reply.

Spock was unsure of what Jim wanted from him. Yes, saving Jim had been logical for he was his First Officer. It was his job to protect the Captain at all costs. However, Spock thought back to the rush of fear that had overwhelmed him as he watched Jim fall. The emotions that slammed into him from that second until Bones had informed Spock that Jim would recover had been anything but professional. He had needed Jim to live, not because he was Captain but because Jim meant something to Spock.

Something rare and precious.

_Th'y'la_

Jim felt a flood of affection wash over him and he gasped in shock. Spock was about to pull his hand away, fearful his sudden lapse in emotional control was not welcomed, when Jim pulled Spock down to him with a surprising strength and brought their lips together in sweet relief.

Jim sighed happily against Spock's warm lips and they melded together so perfectly Jim couldn't help but feel giddy at the adoring sensations Spock projected loudly with each second they kissed. The edge they had been dancing on for months disappeared with an ease almost frightful. Reluctantly they broke away and Jim's smile seemed to light up the room.

"Does that answer your question Jim?" Spock asked, a hint of teasing lacing his collected voice. Jim laughed brightly before pulling Spock down for another kiss, missing the string of barely legible curses from Bones who had come to check on his patient. Joy coursed from Jim and Spock, mixing with the growing feelings of adoration and love they had coddled for so long.

So, this was what living was like.

* * *

*sigh of relief* Glad I got that out of my system. I'm not sure why, but I have a hard time writing them. It's not because it's slash- God I can write slash in my sleep: Just ask some of my Pinto girls. I just feel like I'm unable to write Jim/Spock as well as others can. I just need more practice of course, which I shall subject you all to. Feedback is really appreciated!

LL&P


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